SSB

Secret Single Behavior... does everyone remember the Sex a/t City episode where they talked about their secret single behaviors? I never thought I had any but all evidence to the contrary.

I dropped Joey at the airport today then did a bit of shopping on my way back home. I literally spent hours in T@rget wandering the aisles and buying a few things. On the way home, I thought about stopping to buy myself some dinner but decided that I would rather make a meal Joey would complain about-- red beans and brown rice with veggies. Since getting home I have colored my hair (goodbye greys!), have had a soak in the hot tub, have done laundry, cleaned house and have given myself a mani/pedi. I am planning on a facial, exfoliating and hanging a new shower curtain rod later tonight. Who knows I may end the evening with some yoga followed by wine and a Sund@nce movie. Yup- secret single behavior. It is not as though Joey would ever intentionally stop me from doing any of the things I have done this afternoon and evening. It is just that life takes on a different rhythm when she is home. I would never never want to remove her from my life for very long, but I must admit that a night alone each month wouldn't be such a bad deal.

New Season

So today, I had my first round of experiences as "other" and I seem to have escaped relatively unscathed. Joey had an appointment to get bloodwork and an HSG. Part of the appointment was that Joey and I had to re-complete the paperwork we completed for the last cycle, except this time our roles were reversed. Page after page, Joey signed the "mother" lines and I signed the "partner" lines. Seriously last time we did the paperwork, there did not seem to be too many lines but this time I felt like "partner" kept assailing me page after page after page after page. The pages seemed to say

•  "Sign here that you are utterly infertile."
• "Initial here that you can't have babies."
• "Date here, you barren thing."

All in all though, we had a good time. I got to have a consolation Starbucks as the non-bio mom and I didn't have to take my pants off. Frankly, avoiding having random medical objects shoved in my hoo-haw did not suck. Yin and Yang, right?

By the way, I cannot say enough nice things about all the support I have received through this transition from hopeful carrier mom to hopeful other mother. Your support has been more healing that I have words to express. And the wise Merideth suggested an on-going goal, self re-creation series. I love that idea... now to just figure out some firm goals. And yes when I feel smokin hot in my gothy fishnets. I will definetely post photos.