Yep, the harder they fall.
My poor strong J has fallen, cracked, melted down. It was a big one which I will spare the messiest of details about.
The short story is that I came home from work yesterday still in the happy zen place brought on by gardening and found J at her laptop creating spreadsheets (never a good sign). She had been making calls to various clinics to see determine if 1) they will transfer J's embryos to me and 2) the cost of said procedure. What she found is that people in our area are making this request and question much too hard.
*Dr Gruff (my RE) said that he will not do this as it is like surrogacy which he does not do. *Dr Good Clinic (far away) will do the procedure, will transfer embryos to both of us at the same time or through an FET for a cost of about $14,000 + meds.
*Dr New Clinic (J's RE) is giving her the run around about whether they will do what we want and tried to quote a price for 2 IVF cycles. This did not fly well as giving embryos to me is really just a transfer plus some FDA-required tests.
Generally most clinics in our area seem to be treating us with a "poor silly lesbians" attitude which equates us with children rather than the highly educated women we are.
Oh, and J's known donor is totally backing out so we can add in monthly sperm costs on top of IUI costs.
J's comment: "I would just like to catch a single f*ing break! Just one!"
My response: "Wanna go pull some weeds?"
She did and we did. I never cease to be amazed how one of us is strong when the other is weak.
It would be really nice if an IUI would work soon.
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8 comments:
hm. my partner and i have been talking about carrying each other's embryos some day, i never even contemplated it would be a problem for my RE... arg, one more hurdle to deal with in the future.
dr. gruffs position is bs. does he let straight couples use donor eggs?? whats the difference? you are a couple, it will be your child together. that's a really obnoxious position for him to take.
glad you had some weeds left over to pull on & work out some of the frustration!
i'm guessing others will have more knowledgeable comments, as i know there are others in blogland who have done what you want to do (transfer partner's embryos) .... i don't have any good info for your, so i'll just share frustration - ARGH - and send love (p.s. i would love to carry my partner's embryos - i think it is SUPER beautiful)
I have friends who had one partner carry the other's embryos after they tried unsuccessfully for over a year with partner 1. They had success on the first IVF. They did not have to switch REs. I am angry on your behalf at your RE, who appears to be blocking you unnecessarily.
I hope that you have success in your search soon!
I can't stand doctors and clinics and insurance companies lately. Why is this so hard? Why is it so expensive?! There is such discrimination in the health care system(s) in this country. I'm sorry for the madness. I hope weed pulling helped.
oh - so sorry - that sucks big time. Ditto all the other posters.
My friends who had a baby were only able to achieve it with Mother A's uterus and Mother B's eggs. I am not sure if they did FET or what but people, a gals gotta do what she can to get pregnant. it's really a bulls@@t system.
I hope something works out:)
Go get those weeds!
I think they haven't figured out what to do with us. We represent a whole new set of possibilities. Come on IUI's! Lets make it work.
I'm sorry that it's reached this point and that instead of opening a gate into a beautiful garden where anything is possible, you're met with just another fence to climb. I guess it's a good thing that it's not a wall and you can still smell the flowers off in the distance. Why sexuality even has to be an issue is beyond me. It continues to amaze me how much we've accomplished in the last century, how many things have changed and how much progress we've made on so many complicated issues that seemed unresolvable. Yet something as simple as this is still an issue.
It's ridiculous!
D
Poor J. I think sometimes our partners get a little overlooked and I know they must feel so helpless sometimes. Give her some big love from me and tell her it's going to be ok.
I am always shocked at the position some care givers take in these circumstances. It isn't right that they withhold and don't use all the tools they can to do their jobs. That is their job isn't it? You are paying them for their services right? BS! I hope you two are able to find a way to make this work for you.
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