Today's entry was almost titled "Another @sshole Comment" but that did not look very nice in the title line. :)
Background: J and I have a group of friends we have known 3 years or less, since we moved to this state but we also have a group of old friends we are very close with.
Up until now the response to IVF #3 from my old solid friend group has been..... nothing. No calls, no texts, no emails, not even facebook! Mostly, I have given them the benefit of the doubt. D is in medschool and K is having relationship issues, etc.
However K called yesterday. We talked about her car wreck (bad). We talked about her relationship (rocky). We talked about her job and volunteering. After an hour, she asked how I am doing. I was honest and said that I am pretty wrecked right now. She responded that she just knew that I would get pregnant and have a baby soon. She did not doubt it. I explained the craptastic quality of my eggs and that J and I have some grieving to do around this whole issue. She says that she is in the same boat and she understands. Get this: she has been THINKING about trying to get pregnant and has lined up a known donor. She not really made up her mind to try at this point but she acknowledges that she is getting older. So in her mind, we are in the same place emotionally. Also, she is a therapist. I really expected better. At this point I shut up and seethed.
Let's compare:
ME
been trying for almost 2 years
intense testing
1 miscarriage
2 failed IVFs
daily painful injections
intense emotional letdown
have verified poor quality eggs and PCOS
spent the equivalent of a Lexus in the past year in trying to have a baby
K
has been considering TTC
has a known donor
has spent no money
has experienced no pain around the issue
So yeah, we are just the same. She just doesn't get it and I don't know that I have the energy to explain for her.
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7 comments:
I think most people honestly have no idea about the pain of dealing with fertility issues and the amount of grief involved. I feel like I could go on and on describing what is involved, but you already know what it is like. So just know that I am thinking about the two of you right now. I am have a lot of hope for a great future for you and that you will find a way through this.
Hmmm, clueless and so very wrapped up in herself. I would never wish ttc heartache on anyone, ever, but there is a strong possibility that she too will 'get it' someday. When/if that day comes, perhaps she will understand how much you needed her support today. I have no doubt that you will be for her, what you wish she would be for you.
I wish I were closer my dear, I'd love to sit with you and offer you my understanding, sympathy and a big hug.
Thinking of you.
YUCK.
I'm sorry some people are blind and stupid.
xoxo
people suck. a lot.
(hugs)
Yes, people are clueless. As I mourned my failed IVF, a friend told me I could adopt. I said, please don't go there. I know she just wanted to offer support, but wouldn't I go the adoption way instead of IVF?
Grrr. People can say the most insensitive things! And coming from a therapist?! That's scary. Sorry you had to have that conversation.
xo
hey - i just popped over here, linking from queerstork. eager to get to know you & your story - so sorry for the clueless (therpist???? seriously?) friend! this journey is tough enough w/o thoughtlessness like that.
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