Ok..seriously

I cannot say enough "thank yous" for all the wonderful supportive comments you all have made in the past few days. Each comment helped my heart more than I can express.



Clearly I was going out of my mind so I had my doctor do a beta. The results show that I have no HCG in my body... none... zero... not pregnant, again.



Of course I am sad. I have to ask myself at this point if I will ever be able to have a biological child. Frankly I don't think so and I don't know what not having a child will do to my identity, who I always imagined that I would end up being. So I have an appointment with a therapist specializing in infertility issues, and I will see her tomorrow night.



My partner is more than willing to try to get pregnant but her confidence is also shaken after 3 failed IUIs (hers) and 3 failed IVFs (mine). We are going to hang out and rethink our plans for a while.



Lastly, we also just got word that HJ's department is on the list of "potential eliminations" at her place of employment. We will not know the outcome until March 20th. Yikes! Perhaps now is the time I will lose the extra pounds I have put on through my IVF triathlon.