Honeysuckle thoughts

As I got out of my car at work this morning I was stopped in my tracks by a smell. While normally smells that make me take notice are NOT a good way to start the day, the smell this morning was intoxicating. Honeysuckle! To me the smell of honeysuckle is the very embodiment of summer. It brings to mind images of sun, swimming, cookouts and falling in love. My response to the smell of honeysuckle is intense and visceral. It also makes me think of sex. The kind of sweet sex you have when you are in the I-am-so-freaking-in-love that my nerves may actually jump out of my body. Honeysuckle reminds me of that young love feeling when I felt as though I had to touch the object of my affection or I would simply die of love sickness. Innocent, fun love when we used to sneak away with a blanket, a bottle of wine and simply find a sunny secluded spot. These are lovely memories and a wonderful way to start the day.

The smell was so strong and sweet that I decided to take a few pictures as show-and-tell. So I retrieved my camera, hopped out of my car, put my face very near the blossoms, inhaled then actually focused and took some photos. I looked at the images on my camera screen and thought how beautiful the flowers look. Then I had to laugh. The honeysuckle grows in a messy cluster atop and through a defeated chain-length fence that stands in separation of my parking lot and nearby train tracks. The view from 1 step back is not so pretty. I decided to take a picture of that view as well but the picture does not do justice to the reality of the situation. Even the picture smooths away the rough edges. The picture certainly cannot convey the immensity of the noise from the trains and the unhappiness of the whole scene.

These pictures felt metaphoric to me. I think life is like this. When we zoom in, we can find wondrous beauty in everyday parts of life, which connects us with other fantastic memories from the past. But when we back up and look at the whole landscape while we are in the middle of it, our outlook is bleak. We see all the parts that need repair. It gets easy to focus on the icky parts and miss out on the small glimpses of lovely which we could give thanks for. Then when the period is passed and we look back though the filter of time, the edges are softened. We think, "Meh, that wasn't so bad. I remember that it smelled like honeysuckle." So today I am trying to focus on all my honeysuckle experiences and be very very grateful for THIS small moment. The whole picture gets too overwhelming, truth be told, and the edges are still sharp today. The irony is that I am projecting myself 5 years into the future (a time I hope will be filled with happiness and comfort) while trying to stay in the moment and be content with the now. I am telling myself that I will someday look back on this waiting time as a period of growth before we had our child. hopefully.

Namaste.
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