2 women trying to make a baby

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain

Today, I am working on several grant-related reports, have edited a journal article for J, and have given great thought to the idea of the Scrodinger's cat debate.

I am working really hard not to think about my RE appointment on this day last year. Early morning, lying on the ultrasound table, J touching my foot (no room near my hands), the ultrasound tech pressing harder and harder on my abdomen.. searching for the heartbeat, the room deathly quiet, the monitor abruptly turned off with no pictures of the baby, the RE saying "fetal demise", scheduling a D & C, sobbing, asking the nurse to help us find a back way out because I could not be "that woman"-- the one we have all seen leaving the RE's office crying as her grim-looking partner struggled to face his/her own grief and provide support at the same time.

Nope. Not thinking those thoughts. Considering whether a cat can be both alive and dead at the same time and if observation makes the difference.
.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

oh cindy, i am so very sorry. i am thinking of you today and will remember your loss with you. big, big hugs.

Lizzie said...

Big hugs & support. xoxo

Danielle said...

Big hugs my friend. Big giant slobbery hugs.

D

Dagny said...

(((Hug)))

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry. I hate that it is so hard for so many of us. Know that you are not alone. {{{}}}

tbean said...

So so sorry Cindy. Huge hugs.

Victoria said...

Memories... Thanks for sharing, I know more about your journey. It's hard. You're in my thoughts.

Anonymous said...

Oh sweet one. That is so painful and understandably hard to forget. I hope someday very soon that memory is overshadowed by a bright and beautiful new memory.

Love from seattle to you my southern friend.

Anonymous said...

Sending you love.