Careful non-attention

This is my plan for how I will spend my 2ww. I monitor my thoughts most all the time and simply refuse rumination.

I acknowledge the presence of FEAR yet I simply greet him and say "Ah, I know you. Now run along. Mommy is too busy to play with you today."

Joy and Hope, however, are welcome to hang around. We talk. We laugh. We dream. But soon enough I also tell them to just sit quietly near me so that I can go about my day.

I'm good, really. I am staying in the present moment and looking expectantly to the future. My RE once said that when IVF is done, "We expect pregnancy." So that is the place where I exist. I am expecting my miracle on this cycle.

I pray, alot. But I do not plead. I simply talk with the Divine and he (she/it) assures me that we are cool.

I also meditate. First I meditate to maintain my calm centered state. Secondly, I meditate and visualize my body and my embryos doing their thing. Mostly this works.

Physically, I do have some symptoms. The nips are sore. I am tired (so very tired) and I have a slight fever... But I know that all these can be caused by the progesterone in oil... so I go back to existing in the moment.I am practicing the art of "just being."

This whole process rather reminds me of being in the room with a fear-aggressive dog. Don't make eye-contact. Be calm. Speak softly but confidently. Whatever you do, DO NOT look directly at the dog and make sure that you never offer up your soft, fearful underbelly.